Ok, so my youngest son is now 4 months old, and up to this point I think I've been doing well in balancing my life, finding things to do, and making the lives of my husband and kids pretty enjoyable. Well, up until New Years, that is. I had my first official real meltdown. I'm not proud...by no means. But, what I've learned is that all moms, whether it be the first time around, or the fifth, will at some point reach the point where you just want to leave. I don't mean leave the family, but I mean just leave and go somewhere, anywhere but where you are.
My meltdown came just around New Years. My husband had been working a lot and I experienced for a few weeks, what a single mom with little help would be facing. I thought I was handling it quite well, until one afternoon my two year old started whining and crying about everything, and even my 4 month old son who is normally an angel, started chiming in and whining and crying. No matter what I did, they were absolute terrors. Well I snapped and I ended up putting each child in their rooms, shutting their doors, and running down to the garage and sitting in the car, thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't leave the house. I really had to talk myself down off the ledge, so to speak. The kids were crying, I was crying, it was an absolute mess.
Then to make it worse, I started thinking and longing for my life before the kids. The freedom, the silence, and all that good stuff. Well, it took me a few days to calm down, to come back to reality, and to start enjoying my life again. For a few days there though, it was rough - especially with my feelings of guilt for feeling the way I was. What helped me out in the end was knowing that I'm not alone in feeling this way - and all the moms I've talked to in the last few weeks have experienced the exact same thing in one way or another.
Plus a little shopping therapy definitely helped for a few days. I've decided that people who shop excessively are trying to fill some kind of void in their lives. At least that is the case for me. So, for all the moms that find themselves struggling - my point is - it's OK! Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do, because it won't help the situation, and the best thing you can do for yourself and the family is to get over it, pick yourself up and focus on the amazing parts of motherhood and all the joy that the children bring to your lives. In the end, I know that no one can make me laugh out loud like my kids do.